Snow Angels
by Vinividivinci
Summary: General O'Neill goes to his cabin alone for New Years and has no one with whom to make snow angels.  Totally fluffy sweetness to welcome in the New Year. S/J of course


_**Happy New Year! A short story of fluffy sweetness to start the new year. **_

He relaxed as soon as he pulled onto the side road that led to his cabin. The weather had gotten bad the moment he left Minneapolis and had grown steadily worse as he drove. He's thought about pulling over a few times at a motel but everything had been filled up and he really hadn't wanted to spend his night in some impersonal room anyway. He'd fortunately rented a four-wheel drive so he figured he could make it but at times the trip had grown pretty harrowing.

As he pulled to a stop beside his cabin he breathed a deep sigh of relief and turned off the engine. He sat for a few seconds trying to stretch the tension out of his neck and shoulders. "You're an idiot, O'Neill", he muttered to himself. He definitely should have known better than to have driven through a storm. That's how people ended up killing themselves.

Well, he was here now and he was going to get inside, turn on the heat, fix himself a cup of coffee and relax. He had desperately needed the break and he looked forward to spending the next few days by himself, with no one bothering him or demanding his attention.

He grabbed his duffel bag from the seat behind him and made his way out of the car and up to his front step. The snow was already knee deep and he knew he'd be spending some serious time shoveling – but that could wait. It was dark and late and he just really needed to get inside and get warmed up.

It was cold when he opened the door so he immediately turned on the lights and found the thermostat and cranked that up. He then quickly made his way to the fireplace, thankful that he always made it a habit to leave a stack of logs ready to go.

Within moments he had a roaring fire going and only then did he remove his jacket and boots. After starting the coffee maker he made his way to his bedroom and changed into comfy sweats. Within half an hour of arriving he was seated in front of the fire, a cup of coffee in hand, a sandwich in front of him and nobody to bug him.

"This is the life", he said. For the first time in months he could feel himself begin to relax.

Washington was even more stressful than he'd thought it would be although he was surprised at how well things had gone since he'd taken over Hammond's job. He'd really doubted himself – doubted that he had the patience, the skills or the desire to work in DC and deal with all the political crap that resided there. Strangely enough, he found that being where he could make a real difference, where he could make decisions that would help _his_ people, made all the stupidity that existed around him bearable.

He had to grin slightly when he thought of his old team. They wouldn't recognize him, he was sure. He'd changed since coming to Washington and he wondered if they'd think it was for the better or the worse. He knew he was much more serious, much less likely to be sarcastic or pretend to be clueless than in the past. Somehow, he knew that if he was to be successful at his new job, he had to gain the respect of those around him.

Oh, he still had no patience for the BS that many politicians and bureaucrats poured out on a daily basis, and he quickly became known as someone who said what he thought and acted accordingly – but he did try and not offend with the first words out of his mouth.

He knew that he was gaining the respect of the people that really mattered, and for that he was grateful, if not a little cynical. He missed the old days, when he could kid around, be witty and sarcastic or even go his own way on occasion – but still, he felt as if he was making a difference, so he could handle it.

But truth to tell, it was exhausting. He worked long hours and had little in the way of a social life or time to rest and relax. He'd gone out a few times and had attended a few obligatory parties. He enjoyed the company of a couple of old Air Force buddies who he'd looked up and he was getting to know a couple of other Generals who seemed decent enough. He'd even dated a few times – usually after being set up by those same – well-meaning – Air Force buddies.

He'd seen one of the women – Carmen – a few times and had enjoyed her company. They'd gone to a movie once and out to supper a couple of times. They'd chatted and laughed and he'd felt rather good that he still knew how to charm a woman. Still, he hadn't really felt a 'spark' and he kind of figured she'd reacted the same way. He could imagine her as a friend, but nothing more.

He'd also dated a woman by the name of Marsha and that had been a totally different experience. He didn't have much in common with her and it had not been an easy or comfortable evening. She was, however, an absolute knock out. She'd also made it very plain that she was interested in him, not for his mind, his wit or his title, but purely for his body. She informed him, quite bluntly, that she found older men 'hot' and wanted to – well he didn't even want to repeat to himself what she'd said to him.

Strangely, for as much as he'd seen and done in his life, and the fact that he'd been married and had dated before, Marsha had embarrassed him. She had practically tried to strip him and – he honestly couldn't use the words 'make love' when it came to Marsha. No, she'd simply wanted to screw him blind.

At first, although embarrassed, he'd also been flattered and completely turned on. Hell, he was a man and it had been awhile – since Kerry in fact – and he could feel himself very definitely start to respond. He wasn't quite sure when that had changed. Maybe it was when he realized she hadn't once called him by name – or maybe it was when he'd looked at her and realized she was more interested in her own gratification than in giving him any pleasure – whatever it was, he'd reached out and stopped her before it had gone too far.

She'd been shocked, to say the least, and he was pretty sure she decided that there was something wrong with him – although she must have noticed that everything was working fine – still she'd gotten dressed, screamed that he was a 'useless old man' and had stormed out.

It took him a little while before he had the nerve to date again but finally he'd bitten the bullet and had gone out with Kim. She was a nice lady – a school teacher – and she was both sweet and attractive. Her husband had died of cancer a few years before and she was just getting back into the dating world. She was a bit nervous and shy, which just endeared her to him. He spent an enjoyable evening with her, hearing about her two kids and her dog, and decided that he could grow to like her. He debated whether or not to call her again or whether he was just simply better off alone. Anyone as nice as Kim probably didn't need someone like him, with all his baggage. So, instead of calling, he'd decided to make it through Christmas on his own and then head to his cabin for New Year's.

So, here he was, alone again with just himself and his memories. The cabin always brought a mixture of feelings and it was the one place where he allowed them full reign. Here he'd had some of the best times of his life. The cabin was surrounded by happy memories – of a childhood full of adventure and discovery, of an adulthood filled with family and laughter, and the later years, when he'd brought his friends and team – but also the times of solitude where he'd come to heal.

Of course, more than anything, the cabin was a place to remember his son. Charlie had loved the cabin and they'd spent wonderful summers here as a family. Somehow, he always had the feeling that his son was here – was with him at this place. It was the one spot where he could feel some sense of peace about Charlie.

He slept deeply that night, the fresh air and the tiring journey adding together to make him rest completely and let go of all his worries. The next morning he woke up to brilliant sunlight, shining on the sparkling brilliance of the virgin snow.

He looked outside and wished, more than anything, that there was a child here with him. There was nothing like a fresh carpet of deep snow – unmarked by any human or animal to draw children out and into its pristine loveliness. It looked like millions of diamonds sparkling madly – begging young ones to come out and to jump in – to create angels, and snow-devils – to build forts and throw snowballs.

This, more than any other instance, made him wish that he was not so alone, that he had someone to share this with – someone to see the beauty and the innocence of a white and beautiful world, as yet untouched.

For the first time since he'd arrived he felt melancholy. Suddenly, the aloneness wasn't a solace, but a burden. Life needed to be shared, to be experienced with someone you loved and who loved you. He wanted, more than anything at that moment, to be able to reach out and grasp a warm and loving hand, to turn to that person with a laugh, to kiss soft lips and to head together, out into the cold and crisp and wondrous morning.

Instead he turned and faced an empty room. He made his way slowly, heavily into the kitchen to fill his cup – not with joy – but only with coffee.

He sat by himself, on the couch, for the rest of the morning. He thought about his life, his choices, his future and wondered. Did he truly want to be alone? Was he too damaged, too scarred to share his life with another person? He thought back to Kim – she'd lost a husband – she was not untouched by tragedy. Maybe she would be a good person to fall in love with. But then – he would have to hide so much, to keep so much from her. It had been difficult in his marriage with Sara and he had even more secrets now.

It would be so much easier if he could meet someone who understood his job, who knew what he did, who knew about the Stargate, the SGC, about aliens and space travel and all of those things which to him were now normal. The problem was – who could that possibly be?

Anyone who knew about the Program most likely worked for him. Someone like Kerry Johnson had been an exception – not in his line of command, but fully aware. He had kind of hoped that would work but then she'd broken up with him over his 'issues'. He stopped – no, it wasn't 'issues' – it was 'issue', singular. One very particular issue – that had never been resolved.

He shied away from thinking about it, about her. It had always been impossible and it still was. He had wondered, so many times, if he had made the right decision. Should he have simply resigned and gone for it – for her?

No – he refused to go there. He'd decided a long while ago that he couldn't do that – not to her. She had too much at stake, too much to look forward to and it was too chancy. What if he retired and it didn't work? Then what would he have? No, it was best this way.

So – back to Kim – he could call her when he got back and invite her out. She was nice, he told himself again. She was pretty. He paused, realizing he couldn't remember what color her eyes were. He was pretty sure she had brown hair, but were her eyes brown – no, they were – green, he thought.

How the hell can you ask a woman out and not even be sure what she looks like, he asked himself in disgust. He knew the answer. It was because anytime he tried to picture anyone, all he could see were big, huge blue eyes and short blond hair.

He groaned and put his head in his hands. Coming to the cabin had suddenly, without warning, brought back all the thoughts and feelings he thought he'd put aside. Now, he realized, they had simply been waiting for him to let down his guard, to stop moving and working and to rest – then they'd walk right up to the front and hit him in the face.

"God, you're a fool Jack", he said out loud. "It's time to let go and move on. She has, so why can't you? Stop being a pathetic old fool and just move on. She's happy and she's doing well. She'll be a General before you know it and you can look proudly on, knowing that you were there for her when she needed you. She _doesn't_ need you pining over her like some lovesick teenager!"

The severe talking to did him wonders. For the rest of the day he went about life just fine, thank you. He (barely) thought of her, only sighed a few times (probably just relishing the fresh country air), didn't ever imagine her out in the snow, helping you build a snow man, or lying together with you, curled up in front of the fire. Nope – he kept his mind on – other things. What they were, he couldn't quite remember, but he was sure they had nothing to do with a tall, blond, blue-eyed Colonel who filled every nook and cranny of his heart.

He fell asleep that night, not so deeply or so peacefully. For the first time ever, the cabin didn't bring the peace he so desperately needed or wanted. Maybe tomorrow he'd head back to the city and to Washington. Maybe he'd call Kim.

Daniel had been worried, telling her that the weather was supposed to be bad. "It's dangerous Sam. What if you get lost?"

"Daniel, I've travelled all over the galaxy without getting lost, I think I can handle Minnesota."

"Yeah, but – you're sure about this?"

"No, I'm not sure at all, in fact I'm terrified. But, if I don't do this I'll never know and I really can't live like this anymore."

"Have you talked to him at all?" he asked.

"No – well yes, but only briefly and always about a mission. We haven't chatted or anything." After a moment of silence she frowned. "What? Just spit it out, okay."

"I'm just worried – I don't know – Jack can be rather-"

"Uncommunicative?"

"Yeah, to say the least."

"I know, that's why we're where we are – which is exactly nowhere. So, I'm going to take the bull by the horns and find out, once and for all, if there's anything. Please Daniel", she added softly, "just wish me luck."

He walked over and gave her a big hug. "You know I do, Sam. Both Teal'c and I are behind you a hundred percent. In fact, we've both wanted to go out and tell him he's being an ass – but – I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"I know. I can't promise that I won't, but it'll be better in the long run. At least I'll know and then maybe I can move on."

So, here she was, driving a rented car through the back roads of Minnesota at the very end of December. She was just going to show up and keep her fingers crossed that he didn't kill her or that he didn't have some woman there with him. She cringed when she thought back to the episode with Kerry Johnson. She prayed she wasn't walking into something similar, although according to her source in DC, he had planned to come alone.

By the time she arrived it was late. In fact, although she could see what she assumed was his car, there were no lights on in the cabin.

She parked and grabbed her bag and headed to the front door. She debated as to whether she should knock, although when she looked at her watch she realized it was almost 3:00 in the morning.

"Damn", she murmured quietly, "what a great way to arrive." She had debated stopping but knew she wouldn't have slept anyway so kept on driving. She hadn't meant to arrive quite so late however.

She finally tried the handle and was surprised to find the door was open. "Jack, will you never learn?" She laughed softly then, figuring that he wouldn't be expecting anything up here. She was pretty sure that the people around here were used to keeping their doors open.

She entered carefully and as quietly as she could. Maybe she'd just bunk out on the couch and not disturb him. Then they could talk in the morning.

She could see her way around by the light of the moon shining through the window. The reflection on the bright snow illuminated things almost as brightly as if it was daytime. It made it much easier to put her things down and to shed her coat and boots.

She knew her way around from the one time she'd been here before – the time she'd hoped – no, don't go there Sam! She decided the best thing to do was to simply get her pajamas on and go sleep in one of the spare rooms. She'd then face him after a few hours sleep.

Later on she was to realize what a stupid thing she was doing. She was sneaking into a black ops trained soldier's home in the middle of the night. She could have gotten herself hurt or killed. Instead worry and lack of sleep made her reckless.

Once she'd changed she cautiously made her way down the hall to the spare room. The door was closed so she carefully opened it and peeked in. Unfortunately, the bed was unmade and the room was pretty chilly. Damn! Where did he keep his blankets? She tried to remember where the linen closet was so she could grab some blankets and fall asleep. She was just about dead on her feet.

She tiptoed down the hall, praying that none of his floorboards were squeaky. It was as she passed the next door that she realized that was the master bedroom – the one Jack slept in. She stopped suddenly, her heart beating wildly. Without conscious thought she reached down and slowly turned the doorknob.

He'd been dreaming about her again. Even in his sleep he knew this was wrong – it was dangerous and wasn't helping him get over her. He kept trying to get the dreams to stop, to think about something or someone else. No matter what he did however they wouldn't stop. He was pretty sure her blue eyes would haunt him for the rest of his life!

Somehow in his dream he imagined he heard noises. He could hear the soft footsteps of someone walking towards him. In the deep recesses of his sleeping mind, he could imagine that she had come to him – that she was moving towards his room, towards his bed, towards his arms. It was neither strange, nor frightening then, when he heard his door open and someone approach his bed. It was not strange or frightening when he felt a body standing beside him, staring down at him. No – it was _right_.

Later on he'd wonder what had happened. How did an old soldier, one with years of training, simply let someone walk in to his cabin, in to his bedroom, and not react? He didn't know.

She stared down at the sleeping face of her Commander, her friend, her mentor, her –what? and knew, at that moment, that she'd made the right decision. This, right here, right now, is where she had to be.

She watched as his eyes slowly opened and then looked into hers. He did not move or say anything. He did not look angry or frightened or startled or surprised or – anything. He simply continued to look at her.

He was right, he thought, her blue eyes would haunt him forever. He stared deeply into the endless cerulean color and knew that _this_ dream was where he needed to be. This dream was the only one that mattered.

Without breaking contact with her eyes he moved his arm and lifted the blankets. Without a word she crawled in beside him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

"I'm not dreaming any more, am I", he whispered softly into her ear.

"No", she answered, equally as softly, "this is real."

"Good", was all he said. It was all he needed to say.

_**Epilogue**_

He looked out on the fresh, untouched snow which sparkled like diamonds and knew that it was waiting. It had been waiting a long time – too long – but the wait was ended. He heard the giggles and then turned to see three bodies coming from the hallway.

"You three look like snowmen!" he grinned. More giggles and a small little body hurled itself at him. He picked her up and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled and kissed him back, an open mouthed baby kiss, full of sweetness and love.

He then felt a tug on his leg. "Oh ho, it's another snowman!" He knelt down, still holding the little girl, and put his arm around the little boy, who leaned over and patted his cheek.

"'noe Daddy!" the little boy cried. 'noe'"

"I think he means 'snow' Jack. They're ready to make snow angels."

"Snow Angels?" he asked, pretending surprise. "Is that what you want to do?" Two little heads nodded vehemently. "Hmmm, well, then we'd better get going. The snow is waiting!"

He tenderly carried one and led the other until they were out in the snow. He showed them how to make O'Neill 'snow devils' he called them. They laughed uproariously to see their 'Da' lying in the snow. Both of them then flung themselves backwards, wildly moving their arms and legs while 'Mama' watched and laughed. Of course, she didn't stay there long, because soon their father had pulled her down too and they made a whole family of angels and devils.

When later they returned to the cabin, cold and wet, red-cheeked and full of giggles, Jack looked at his family and knew he was still living the dream.

He looked up and caught the eyes of his wife – the beautiful blue eyes which had held him in thrall for so long. "I love you", he said. She smiled gently and patted his cheek, much like his son had done.

"I know. I love you too."

_**The End**_


End file.
